How to play Hard-To-Get (when you don’t want to)

There is a situation with the Irishman, in that he is very laid back in terms of contacting me, so I’m having to tie myself to various objects around the house to prevent myself from sending a flurry of desperate-sounding texts. And, of course, the longer he waits, the harder it becomes!

As one of my friend’s puts it: “I hate these games, but they are often necessary”. As much as we hate to admit it, the hard-to-get tactic really works. But more often than not, if you’re in a situation where there’s need to play it, you’re probably pretty into the person. Wouldn’t life just be far simpler if we could let out the horrifically insecure, needy part of us that wants to contact our new interest at all hours of the day? Unfortunately we don’t want to round up the villagers wielding their fiery weapons of crazy to throw in his/her general direction just yet. We need to hook them in far enough, allow them to start really caring for you… and only then start to unleash the insanity. The ultimate goal, is it not? Get someone in so deep they’ve no choice but to live with your psychotic ass. Ah, the dream.

In order to achieve this difficult task of becoming unattainable, and therefore desirable, to the object of your affection, I’ve come up with a few key rules to stick to (and thus hide your yearning to bear their children):

1. Always wait the same time or longer (preferably the latter) to text them back. If they took 5 minutes, take 10. If they took 3 hours, take 4. And if they take 6 days? Wait a fucking fortnight. There’s really no limit to how far you can push it.
2. If they call, don’t pick up. Call them back at least half an hour later, or send them a text with a very vague explanation; ‘Oh sorry I missed you, I was busy earlier’. We ultimately want them thinking that you’ve got your legs wrapped around someone’s face.
3. If they ask you out, sound reluctant, or accept extremely nonchalantly. ‘Oh Thursday? Umm, possibly, I’ll have to get back you’ or ‘Yeah ok, but can we make it 8? I’ve got some plans before then’ etc.
4. If your texting/calls turn into lengthy conversations, add a little spice. Nothing gets a man interested like sex, but make it SUBTLE. Perhaps one of your excuses for not answering the phone was that you were in the bath? BOOM they’re thinking about you naked.
5. This is probably the most important rule. Don’t let them lost interest! YES, be difficult to attain, but NOT impossible. If they think that you’re not interested at all, they will soon give up. So keep throwing in various understated suggestions that you’re into them amid the stream of rejection, to give them a sense of hope. If you like them a lot this will probably happen automatically (let’s be honest, there’s only so much sheer desperation we can hold back, right?), but if you think they might be giving up, just add something along the lines of ‘was so lovely to meet you the other night’, allowing them think there is a fighting chance, and their efforts may well be rewarded.

If you do all of this, and they still aren’t sounding interested? Bite the bullet and ask them out. The worst that could happen is they’ll say no, in which case you DO NOT CONTACT THEM. Even if they contact you after that, they have established that they’re not up for romantic involvement so fuck them. They want you? Better bloody ask you out then hadn’t they.