Fucking… With my head.

December 21, 2014 § 2 Comments

Last night was a society social at Klaus’ house. I’d promised myself I wouldnt drink because I’d already been wrecked 3 nights in a row (it’s Christmas, ok?), yet there I found myself, finishing my third bottle of red in two days. (It’s only recently come to my attention that I sound like the world’s biggest alcoholic in this blog, I assure you it’s under control. *cries into merlot*)

It’s been about a week since the cheating with Klaus incident occurred. He’d spoken to his girlfriend, who’d freaked out and they split. This brought me zero satisfaction whatsoever. I realise it’s about their relationship and not about me, but I can’t help but feel partly responsible for his unhappiness. I don’t know her at all, but I hate causing people pain in any form and no matter what my feelings for Klaus are I never wanted anyone to get hurt. I suppose there always exists some pain in love and relationships. Still doesn’t stop it from sucking balls.

He’d spoken to me a few days later, telling me about the break-up, that it was in no way my fault, and that he didn’t want to jump straight into another relationship, but be single for a while. He’d been with her over a year, his longest relationship by far, and I couldn’t agree with him more that now would be the time to be by yourself for a bit.

I dealt with the situation pretty badly. I’m normally fairly self-controlled, but I was literally obsessing over this guy. I couldn’t get anything done because he was just constantly on my mind. I’d replay our kisses over and over and nothing seemed to shake his image from my head. I knew I was being completely ridiculous, and my rational side kept telling me what an idiot I was being. Of course he bloody needs to be single, leave the poor boy alone.

This illogical inner demon tormented me to such extents, that the few times I had to see him again in a social context this week I freaked out, and (probably completely unsubtly) avoided him at all costs. I couldn’t fucking look at the guy. What the hell is wrong with me? I knew it would pass, but this was some intense shit. I’m not sure if it’s because I knew we liked each other but still couldn’t have him? Whatever the reasoning, there was some chemical imbalance shit going on, I can’t be dealing with this.

Of course it lessened, but he was still a pretty constant distraction, and last night was a party at his. I had to go. How could I not?

A few glasses of red in me and I felt much less uncomfortable in his presence. We were managing to behave completely normally around each other, with only the slightest sexual tension (but hey, what’s life without a little anticipation in the atmosphere?). Eventually our group socializing turned into a one on one discussion.

After a few of us had relocated to the bedroom, I became more and more impatient to get him by himself. We eventually found ourselves alone in the corridor together, where the desire was palpable.

“What?” he asked, smiling.

We drunkenly stumbled against the wall together, our kissing quickly becoming heated. The bedroom crowd all came out at that moment and giggled as they scurried past us. Slightly embarrassed, we took our passion to the now empty bedroom.
Ignoring the drunken ramblings from the other side of the locked door, it was actually a very fun night. I’ve never laughed so much in bed with anyone, a quality I wouldn’t usually associate with good sex, but I’ve never enjoyed drunken sex quite so much. It was a little awkward, but in a funny, totally comfortable way. I drunkenly fell off the bed within the first five minutes and it probably took another ten before either of us could stop laughing and start kissing again.

9/10

It’s different. But in a way I completely adore. I adore him. And it’s only been a few days. I have to keep catching myself because this is much easier for me, not having just come out of a lengthy and serious relationship, but it seems as though he feels the same way. Christmas is coming at a good time, I think, because it means we won’t be able to see each other for a good couple weeks and we can both think about things.
I don’t want to jump the gun, but things feel so good with him, so right.

I guess we will have to see after Christmas…

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